{"id":12287,"date":"2019-07-09T10:24:03","date_gmt":"2019-07-09T09:24:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.small-improvements.com\/?p=12287"},"modified":"2019-07-09T10:24:03","modified_gmt":"2019-07-09T09:24:03","slug":"decline-feedback","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.small-improvements.com\/blog\/decline-feedback\/","title":{"rendered":"It\u2019s okay to say \u201cno\u201d when offered feedback"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cNo, I\u2019m good,\u201d said no one ever when asked, \u201cCan I give you some feedback?\u201d<\/p>\n

What you do instead is mentally prepare for having your presentation or email torn apart by your manager or colleague. Then you nod, smile, and say, \u201cSure, go ahead.\u201d<\/p>\n

I get it, you don\u2019t want to come across as a know-it-all or lacking a growth mindset. And of course, you might actually acknowledge the value of receiving critical feedback as a learning opportunity. So saying \u201cno\u201d to that question doesn\u2019t even feel like an actual option, let alone a smart one.<\/p>\n

But there are situations where it\u2019s best to not listen to someone\u2019s thoughts on your work. And there is a way to decline feedback offers with grace and respect.<\/p>\n

Why you should usually say \u201cyes\u201d to feedback<\/h2>\n

Everyone needs feedback, both positive and negative. Where genuine praise<\/a> gives you a nice little dopamine hit and motivates you to build on your strengths, constructive criticism can reveal your blind spots and help you fill gaps in your skill set. So you usually win if someone offers you their feedback.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s also pointless to assume that anyone wants to share their feedback to make you feel bad. Most likely, they want to help you improve and guide you to a greater contribution to the overall success. Give people the benefit of the doubt and assume good intent. After all, they carve time out of their day to share their perspectives with you.<\/p>\n

When it\u2019s okay to say “no”<\/h2>\n

Even if you generally see critical feedback as a growth opportunity and assume good intent behind others\u2019 feedback, there are cases where it\u2019s perfectly fine to reject that feedback.<\/p>\n

When the feedback giver and the feedback receiver want different things<\/h3>\n

In their book Thanks for the Feedback<\/em><\/a>, the Harvard Law School lecturers Sheila Heen and Douglas Stone describe three types of feedback: (1) appreciation, (2) coaching, and (3) evaluation. So if someone asks you, \u201cCan I give you some feedback?\u201d, they either want to (1) give you a pat on the back, (2) help you sharpen a skill, or (3) tell you where you stand.<\/p>\n

Just like the feedback giver has a need that falls into one or more of these three types of feedback, you have certain needs depending on the situation you\u2019re in. Say you\u2019ve just given your best to complete a challenging project. The last thing you need now is a coach who gives you developmental feedback. All you want is some appreciation for your hard work. So if someone asks you, \u201cPhew, what a project \u2013 mind if I give you some feedback to help you do better next time?\u201d it\u2019s okay to be honest and tell them no.<\/p>\n

Besides substantially different intentions, all kinds of timing-related issues can prevent you from taking in feedback in a specific moment. You might be in a hurry rushing from one meeting to another or just hangry (irritable due to hunger). And then there\u2019s everything going on in your life outside work.<\/p>\n

When the feedback would slow things down<\/h3>\n

When I started my job as a content creator at Small Improvements, I often ran into a frustrating situation: I would write an outline of an upcoming article, then a first draft, and then a revised draft. For each step, my colleagues had the chance to share their feedback.<\/p>\n

When someone asked me after looking at a revised draft, \u201cCan I give you some feedback on the general structure of this article?\u201d the right answer would have been \u201cKeen to hear your high-level feedback once the article is live. But at this point, I\u2019m just looking for a few extra eyes to help me spot typos.\u201d Of course, I never said that. Instead, I would nod, smile, and say, \u201cSure, go ahead.\u201d It wasn\u2019t until I created a structured process for when to give what kind of feedback that this issue was solved.<\/p>\n

Feedback that comes at a bad time can slow projects down and demotivate you. So when you see that kind of feedback coming, the best thing you can do is politely decline.<\/p>\n

How to decline unwanted feedback, respectfully<\/h2>\n

Just saying “No, I’m good” is obviously not the best possible answer to a feedback offer. Here are three steps to help you give a response that’s straightforward but empathetic.<\/p>\n

Step 1: Show appreciation for the offer<\/h3>\n

Imagine someone offered you a cookie, but you\u2019re on a diet so you can\u2019t take it. Wouldn\u2019t you still be thankful for the offer? The same should go for feedback. You can appreciate that someone is willing to invest time and energy to help you improve \u2013 especially if they\u2019re considerate enough to ask for your permission and not ambush you with criticism. And yet you can decide to decline feedback without coming across as ungrateful.<\/p>\n

Example: Thanks for offering to help \u2013 I always value your input!<\/em><\/p>\n

Step 2: Explain the situation<\/h3>\n

The person offering you feedback can\u2019t read your mind. If you let them know why you don\u2019t want to listen to their feedback, they\u2019ll come up with their own interpretation. By being open about the reasoning behind your rejection, you ensure they don\u2019t take it the wrong way. You encourage them to continue offering their feedback and give them a hint to time it better next time.<\/p>\n

Example: I can\u2019t make changes to the content anymore because the client needs this document in an hour. So now is not the best time.<\/em><\/p>\n

Step 3: Don\u2019t say \u201cno\u201d \u2013 say \u201cnot now\u201d<\/h3>\n

If the timing or type of feedback doesn\u2019t align with what you need right now, it might still be useful later on. It\u2019s not like you don\u2019t care about the other person\u2019s feedback \u2013 now is simply not the right time. Ask them kindly to jot their thoughts down. Then have them share their feedback later or follow up proactively once you\u2019re ready.<\/p>\n

Example: I\u2019d still love to hear your thoughts to help me really nail the next project. Should we have a quick meeting next week?<\/em><\/p>\n

Conclusion<\/h2>\n

Feedback is a powerful driver of learning and achievement. You should welcome and actively seek it most of the time. But when feedback from your manager, report, or colleague would only frustrate you or slow a project down, it’s okay to decline the offer. “Can I give you some feedback?” has that question mark at the end for a reason.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cNo, I’m good\u201d doesn’t feel like an appropriate response to \u201cCan I give you some feedback?\u201d But sometimes it\u2019s okay to decline feedback offers. Here’s how.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":29,"featured_media":5382,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[79],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12287","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-feedback"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.small-improvements.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12287","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.small-improvements.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.small-improvements.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.small-improvements.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/29"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.small-improvements.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12287"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.small-improvements.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12287\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.small-improvements.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5382"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.small-improvements.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12287"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.small-improvements.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12287"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.small-improvements.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12287"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}